Bruti's List of the Top Super Powers He Wishes For

Hi fellow puppers!! Have you ever wished for super doggie powers to get out outta things you don't wanna get into, like baths or trouble? Well, I got together with some pals and we put together a list of a bunch of doggie super powers we wished we had and here it is!!

14. Invisibath -- The power to disappear at the first sound of clear bath water

13. ViseHump -- The leg hump grip of steel

12. AquaField -- Immunity to bucket of cold water when clear copulating in driveway

11. Skeetvision-- The ability to shoot laser beams from your clear eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky

10. SuperBladder -- Loaded with Toxi-Urine -- One lift of the clear leg and this town is mine!

9. SquirrelFreeze -- Do I even need to explain this one??

8. AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery -- Two powers which when combined allow one to smell another dog's butt without clear actually having to get up and move around.

7. John-O-Matic -- Turns any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by sheer force of will.

6. ChuckSpeed -- Ability to catch that friggin' Wagon Train.

5. Anti-Psych-Out -- Immunity to all that "fake throw" nonsense.

4. VacuCalm -- Utter self-control whenever the vacuum cleaner is turned on.

3. GucciTract -- An invincible digestive system that sustains itself entirely on designer shoes.

2. King Bruti's Touch -- Everything you touch turns into FOOD!

And My #1 Most Coveted Super Power...

1. DoberMorph -- Ability to change into a Doberman anytime someone rolls up a newspaper.